May you find hope, offer love and kindness, and show value to all humans throughout this Christmas season.
Merry Christmas FCM Community.
Many aspects of that first Christmas ring loudly for humanity during this season. The offer of hope from God. The gifts of love and kindness from loving people. The great value placed on human life as seen in the life of that baby in the stable.
May you find hope, offer love and kindness, and show value to all humans throughout this Christmas season. Merry Christmas FCM Community.
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For many of us and especially this year, the holidays are not the typical happy times we are led to expect on television or in the movies. It’s a time that reminds of the loved ones that we can no longer be with. We offer the suggestions below to support and help those experiencing “blue" holidays.
Wisdom for Blue Holidays Put up more or fewer decorations. Don’t decorate at all or do it differently this year. Do what your energy and your spirit allow. You have permission to decline invitations. There is no need for a long explanation that will make them understand or feel better. A simple, “Thank you for the invite, but I am passing for this year,” is all that is needed. You are not responsible for other people’s feelings or opinions about your grief journey. They bring with them their own story and experiences informing their unique journey. They do not get to put their expectations on your journey. A grief story from Pastor Tress: I pastored a small rural church in which the community cemetery was just a half mile from the parish. Many of the church members were buried there and we were used to the short 2-minute funeral procession from the church building to the cemetery for the graveside committal. One parishioner, however, had a different request that her family honored. She was born in a small farm house 98 years prior. When she married at the age of 17, her husband moved into that family home and they never left. They nursed her parents through their own deaths and then became the owners of that small farmhouse and fields. When she died, we loaded up the cars and proceeded with the hearse that held her leading the way. We took a 45-minute drive around old country roads and turns, over six railroad tracks, and drove her past, one last time, her farmhouse. That house welcomed her life onto this earth and it ushered her back into the hands of God. That 45-minute drive was the right thing to do for her. The grief journey is like that. For some it is a straight shot two-minute drive. For others, it is a 45-minute winding and bumpy trek. Neither is right or wrong and neither is the grief journey you take. Music puts words to our pain that we often times can’t otherwise express. It can make us smile and cry, and both are okay. It is common to go to faith-based hymns for comfort, such as “On Eagle’s Wings.” Secular music can also be just as comforting, remembering that while it may be called secular, all music has a spirituality to it because it is created from the souls of humans. If Linda Ronstadt or The Backstreet Boys bring memories of the loved one and that brings comfort, then play them on repeat and let your heart be comforted. Some secular songs with comforting messages include: “Tears in Heaven” by Eric Clapton, “If I had Only Known” by Reba McEntire, and “Will the Circle be Unbroken” by Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. A ready-made play list such as Songs of Comfort (by Sandra McCracken) on Spotify can also create a peaceful and healing space: https://open.spotify.com/user/lzh2qxxogh2jag21hoids5d5l/playlist/687WWKHnxR5b4yu3eDN2U2?si=DMwpWZoGShGl_UxnAWP9nw For many people the holidays are a magical time full of childhood memories informed in large measure by the faith tradition one received from their parents. For others though, this time is one of sadness as families come to terms with differing beliefs and sensibilities around the holidays. This is only complicated by the hustle and bustle of consumerism. This blur of time between October and February, where people seem to be driven from one holiday to the next, could be referred to as Hallow-thanks-mas-tine. Then, there is the COVID-19 pandemic, ever before us with so many unknowns. Just one more thing to complicate this time that was supposed to be magical, significant, and filled with promises of peace.
What does one do when they no longer resonate with the faith they grew up with? What happens when one’s children have parted ways from the family faith and now they find their extended family comprised of multiple faith traditions and/or spiritual paths, those with no faith, and even others identifying as spiritual but not religious? How does one find meaning and approach the holidays now with such divergent beliefs and diversity? First and foremost, we must begin by accepting things as they are versus trying to cling to something that once was. Trying to change or control things will only add to one’s sadness. In fact, clinging to the past, to days gone by, to the holidays of yesteryear, will only prolong the pain. Feel the sadness, the pain, and the grief but look to the present with hopeful optimism. Recognize that we now live in what has been referred to as the dawn of inter-spirituality. The term “inter-spiritual” was coined by Brother Wayne Teasdale to name an emerging model of mystical life, one that is connected to social and ecological justice while being born through the sharing of “ultimate experiences” across religious and wisdom traditions. Recognize too that even for those whose spirituality is expressed religiously, no two people from the same religion express their faith in identical fashion. Once one accepts things as they are and recognizes the inter-spiritual shift that has already happened in the broader culture they will be prepared to create new holiday rituals. This shift in the broader culture is happening in everyone’s family already. As it manifests it’s an opportunity to create meaningful rituals and magical moments that emphasize love and connection. How does one do this? Start by asking everyone involved about what their desired outcomes are. Look for similarities here as well as where there might be similar practices/traditions among the differing holidays. Allow for diversity too. For example, someone might want to share something special to them. Find the unity in the diversity. Look for shared values. Make it more about universal spiritual/existential themes (e.g. love, connection, compassion, joy, peace, etc.). Consider these words by Brené Brown when creating your holidays: “Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning and purpose to our lives.” Let’s forgo the tendency to be right and to resist change and instead use that energy to create new holidays. Be the change you with to see in the world. |
AuthorBlogs are posted by FCM and written by FCM members. The contents are the sentiments of the author of the post and not necessarily the FCM Community. Archives
April 2024
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